Offense: Allegedly (what his lawyer made me type) chewing a hole in the bottom of the garbage bag which contained left over spaghetti sauce - and subsequently eating it.
Alibi: Was on the back of the couch on "cat patrol". Says his friend Mika next door can vouch for him.
Outcome: The charges are pending, due to further forensic examination of the evidence. The accused's identity has been protected until the report is complete.